Friday, January 24, 2014

ARC Review: Freshman Orientation by Brandon Reed

Freshman Orientation (Pauer Bautam University #1)
From the blurb:

Welcome to Pauer Bautam University... where gays... young and old... come to play. 
Hunky college senior Ryan Kelly hasn't gotten any in weeks... but that's about to change. A new wave of freshmen are swarming the college campus, and he's got his eyes set on a young hottie named Sean. Will Ryan's dry spell finally come to an end?

Heather's rating:

This was pretty terrible, to be honest.

Ryan is a lecherous college senior who is on the hunt for some fresh gay meat. He has very particular standards- only "mixed" (aka biracial) twinks for him! He creepily perused the roster of incoming freshman (by their Facebook page, I think) and found the ones most likely to be gay (???) so he can stalk them when they get to campus. One in particular catches his interest, and Ryan makes meeting hottie twink Sean his new goal for the semester.

I hated Ryan. He was bordering on report-to-the-police-creepy. I didn't get him as a character, and he was so shallow that I wondered if this novella was supposed to be ironic, some sort of satire, or have a huge life-changing lesson in the end. Alas, it was just as vapid in the end as in the beginning. I'm telling you, Ryan is super creepy, so much so that I almost wanted to shout to Sean to run away through the book.

"Everyone was mesmerized by the animated movie, particularly those sitting in my row, so I was basically free to whip my weiner around as much as I wanted... I watched bits and pieces of the film, particularly the scenes where Pinocchio's nose grew a few inches. I'm sad to say it, but those moments got me even harder... As the film ended, I took my hands out of my crotch, three of my fingers stained with pre-cum. I wiped it on Sean's chair in front of me."

Um, masturbating to Pinocchio is a bit gross, don't you think??

"I started running my tongue along his shaft, barely making contact, to tease Sean to the furthest extent. When I started actively inserting his cock in my mouth, though, he definitely knew it."

Yeah, because he could see his cock in your mouth! Huh??

The other thing about this book that killed me was every time they made out, the author wrote something like, "We starting French kissing." Stop freaking calling it French kissing! Just say kissing! It sounds like the main characters are 12!

I don't mind porn-without-plot as long as it is good. This was not good. The sex scenes were strange and, to top it off, this book actually was trying to be a real romance! There was no relationship there, so the bizarre declaration of feelings in the end was completely out of nowhere.

This wasn't the worst thing that I've ever read but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, hence 1 star.

**Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review BUT I also had this as a Kindle freebie so I saw the published and ARC copies**

Buy this book: Amazon

Thanks for reading, my friends!!

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