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Her heart had been broken. How could it ever be mended?
Sometimes life has a habit of breaking a person, but Lori’s discovered there’s a reason for it. Better things are around the corner. She didn’t realize that at first, but after things went sour, a light beckoned, an anchor in the form of a man named Jaska.
He ignites her soul, understands her needs more than she does. She embarks on a journey, one that has many twists and turns, and with Jaska guiding her, she doesn’t think it can go wrong. Except there are terms to their relationship, a contract they’re bound by, and no matter what, they’re not supposed to express how they feel about each other. It’s dangerous—falling in love isn’t allowed.
But Lori has fallen in love, and the year Jaska has given to teach her the ways of the lifestyle is both pain and pleasure—and not only from spankings. It’s pain—she loves him but can’t express it. It’s pleasure—she gets to spend time with him.
Denial is the name of the game for both of them. Deny their feelings and everything will work out fine. But Lori knows that somewhere down the line during this year she’ll have to open her mouth and tell him how she feels. The question is—when?
Things had really changed for me, hadn’t they?
I held on to the spreader bar and looked at other items. There was a ball gag but it didn’t appeal. The idea of having it in my mouth made me want to retch. So there were limits to what I was prepared to use, then. That was a bit of a comfort, because so far I’d been ready for anything. I imagined Jaska would be proud that I’d recognized a mental stop sign when I’d seen one.
A rack with pamphlets held in little baskets had me walking over to it. On them were images of structures that could be yours within ten days by paying for them at the counter and having them delivered direct to your door. I had never seen anything like them—had never even imagined they existed. Some were made of metal, others wood, and from the images on the back they were designed to hold a person in place with ropes or chains, their private holes exposed.
They interested me in a way I didn’t understand and I wondered whether Jaska was into that kind of thing. I could see myself trussed up like that—and liking it. Jaska could do whatever he wanted—whatever I was comfortable with—and I’d learn a lot about myself while tied in that way. I’d learn more limits, what I wanted and what I didn’t, but the price tags… I wouldn’t pay that much unless I was certain I would enjoy it.
My mind spinning with sexual images, I moved back to the masks and selected one called Ultimate Gimp. It was PVC and had a buckle at the back so it was one size fits all. It excited me, the feel of the shiny material, and how it reflected the overhead lights—and my face. Another mask, secured to a cardboard rectangle over the picture of a woman’s face, eyes closed, mouth open, left me in no doubt what it was used for. And that mouth was gaping hole for a cock to be slid into. Again, I was turned on by it but at the same time wishing I knew why. Perhaps I ought to just accept the things that stirred my clit into swelling and be done with it. No analysis, nothing that made me question and talk myself out of giving these things a try.
I wanted to be open to persuasion.
I decided to continue my toy exploration online at home.
I left the shop after paying for the spreader bar, the gimp mask, the lube and the vibrator. These were enough to keep me going until Jaska’s first gifts arrived. I drove home, conscious that I hadn’t bought anything for the house. I didn’t plan on seeing much of it for the rest of the week anyway. The next few days would be spent learning from Jaska and being taken to new levels of thinking. No new sofa cushions or throws would help with that. No vases with fake, bright flowers.
The only thing I wanted to see a lot of was my laptop screen, The Boudoir on the browser. The only things I wanted to hear were Jaska’s voice, my voice and the sound of our breathing. And the only thing I wanted to taste was…something I couldn’t have. To enable that to happen, I had to meet Jaska. As my car climbed the hill that led to my house, I wondered if that would ever happen, me tasting Jaska. I entertained thoughts of his cock pushing between my lips, me with that other mask on that kept my mouth wide open. My cunt twinged. I grew wet.
I pressed my foot on the accelerator, more eager than ever to call the man who had transformed my life. Things were about to get a whole lot better, I could feel it.
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Hi, there, I'm Natalie Dae. Thanks for being here today.
I wanted to make Lori in Denial do something many people wish they could. Enter a sex shop alone. It’s got to be right up there as one of the most excruciatingly embarrassing things to do, right? What you’re effectively doing when entering a shop like that is showing everyone in it what your preferences are. Even by putting your items on the counter you’ve opened up the most private side of yourself and allowed a stranger—the cashier—to know what you might be up to later and exactly what you’re into.
I went into one once to buy some things for a friend—and no, I’m not ‘making out’ it was for a friend, it really was LOL. Anyway, the attendant was a little, shall we say, vocal. She decided to discuss my purchases with the other cashier. I think maybe she thought that would put me at ease. You know, have me thinking that hey, it’s all good chatting about rudeness with people, it’s hip and trendy. Um, no. The fact that the items weren’t even for me made the situation worse, and had I said they were for a friend, I’d have probably got knowing glances from the pair of them—like they hadn’t heard that excuse a million times before—and it would have been a waste of my breath.
So, I just stood there, going bright red from the discussion and wishing they would just shove the things in a bag so I could pay for them and get the hell out. Really, who wants to talk about the best lubes and how they make you feel? Okay, scrub that, people do talk about that, but to someone you don’t know? Scrub that again—I’m sure some folks do that all the time. But me? Mrs Embarrassed Pants?
To get that awkward incident out of my head once and for all, I had my heroine going into the shop and not caring what anyone said or thought. The opposite of how I had been. And it’s weird, but as I wrote and ‘watched’ Lori gathering the things she wanted, it made me see that it’s only ourselves who stop us from doing many things in life. All right, it’s also the thought of what someone would say if they ‘caught’ us in a sex shop that stops us too, but if we went inside with a no-nonsense attitude, maybe people wouldn’t give us nonsense about entering one.
Hmm. I still don’t think I’m going to take my own advice here, but if you manage to go into a sex shop after reading this and you don’t feel self-conscious, then writing this was worth it. Go forth and enter that shop!
About the author:
Natalie Dae is a multi-published author in three pen names writing in several genres. Natalie writes mainly BDSM erotica. She loves a Dom/sub relationship and is fascinated by how it all works. The trust issue is the best thing about it for her, so creating characters who have to adopt trust is one of her priorities. “Watching my characters bloom under tuition is such a treat,” she says. “I find it such a privilege to be able to write about something that makes me learn something new with every book.”
She lives with her husband and youngest daughter in England and spends her spare time reading—always reading!—and her phone, complete with Kindle app, is never far away. “I can't imagine not reading or writing,” she says. “It's a part of who I am. Without it I'd be more than a bit lost.”
Natalie has many more BDSM tales swimming around in her head, so her workload for the future is very full. “What better way to spend a weekend than writing?” she says. “Saturdays are my main writing days, so I get up, open up a work in progress and rarely leave the desk. Unless I really have to!”
She writes at weekends and is a cover artist/head of art in her day job. In another life she was an editor. Her other pen names are Geraldine O’Hara and Sarah Masters. Natalie also co-authors as Sarah Masters with Jaime Samms, and she co-authors with Lily Harlem under the name Harlem Dae.
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